THE FORKIE PHILOSOPHER

How many times have you been watching a movie and those fucking snickering stooges are putting shit on some hapless victim. However the numbers stack up, it’s always a bunch of these assholes, and one or two Schmoes who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It might just be taunts, or it could escalate to an assault or rape depending on the film.

Regardless of how trite this scenario may seem, it is one of those cliches that keeps being used. The reason is as simple as it is depressing: this cruel behaviour happens all the time in everyday life. I’ll save the physical abuse for a later post. For now, I would like to focus on the group dynamics of this seemingly ingrained nastiness, and I’ll concentrate on the verbal stuff; which can wind up being just as traumatic in the worst cases.

Everyone has been on the receiving end of a mocking mob who have decided you are the target at some point. Not all will admit it; many people have buried such humiliation deep down, and heaven have mercy on the one who tries digging there. People rarely appreciate someone exposing raw nerves.

It is utterly ridiculous to believe that any human being has been in control of every situation from first memory till the present. In any one of those unprotected moments, we are all at the mercy of others. Without employing selective memory, it would be a remarkable life that never suffered the sting of cruel or careless words; and not necessarily in a good way. To have never been humbled could lead to a plethora of psychological flaws.

My point is that power can be a precarious attribute. It often shifts according to situations and circumstances. We were all very vulnerable to adults when we were kids and many of them would have been carrying their own distressing recollections (be they conscious or buried). And schoolyards? Holy shit! Kids can be very cruel to one another.

Even as an adult you may hold dominion in one group or relationship, while being the doormat somewhere else. There are too many factors to consider all at once, so I will limit this post to linguistic argy bargy; primarily in a group setting. Here the balance of power can easily shift based on who has the numbers on their side.

While I am not getting into gang violence right now, there is no denying the threat of a group turning hostile would certainly have an influence on an otherwise aggressive person; thus, removing an important weapon from their arsenal. The once weaker of the disputants finally being emboldened by the backing of the crowd. The textbook, bully being silenced by the majority shtick.

Two people are having a disagreement, and the crowd has decided that A is being unfairly treated by B, so they come to their assistance. Using the crowd’s ability to bestow validity to one side, while raining scorn on the other, they ensure that A’s arguments land much firmer than B’s. Extra damage may be inflicted if things degenerate into insults, where the crowd now becomes the judiciary on whose “dis” is best. That overwhelming laughter and ridicule can be devastating to any ego.

That is all very nice and I’m sure it does happen, but here comes that fucken philosopher again!

How can anyone be truly sure that they are on the right side of this dispute? It can feel very satisfying to take down a bully, and in a typical fictional scenario the audience would be clued in as to who the aggrieved party is. Even if it is a cautionary tale about mob justice that ends badly, we still get a fairly clear outcome.

In reality, we rarely get any such closure. Nor do we have much in the way of accurate backstory. A disagreement unfolds and we happen to be part of the nearby throng. All things being equal it’s none of our business and we keep it that way. There usually needs to be a trigger for an onlooker to chime in.

An even distribution of supporters on both sides and/or an impartial crowd would be a rare level playing field. Any side can prevail on the merit of their debating or dissing prowess. The crowd will announce a victor through a series of cheers, laughter (which can be positive or negative) and possibly a bit of running commentary. Or they might dissipate because they are uninterested, which could make things awkward for the arguers.

That, or the timely arrival of an assertive mediator able to silence the mob (a rare species indeed) are the only chance of limiting the potential of mob bullying. Once the balance shifts it can become an infuriating uphill battle for the poor dolt having to argue with a herd united against them.

What drives a background character to decide they need to add their own two cents worth?

One alternative is that we have a dog in this fight, and we might feel a little protective of them. We may feel compelled to offer some moral support. This could take the form of validating our buddy’s points. The truth may or may not matter, depending on how invested you are. Once emotions flare, winning the argument takes priority over finding a solution. One more arrow in the quiver for the sidekick/s is that of scoffing and invalidating any points being put forward by the other side. Very fucking frustrating to deal with!

Another alternative to lend your jibes could be an existing dislike for one of the two quarrellers and a desire to see them ridiculed. Maybe they are a known bully; maybe they embarrassed you in the past. This would fall under the “enemy of my enemy is my friend” motive. You might not get the win for yourself, but you do get the satisfaction of seeing them lose; or that’s the hope anyway.

One more before moving on. That tricky moment when one of the beefers turns and invites your opinion. Not always an ideal request for those who like to keep a low profile. Even worse if the person summoning you is the one being pummeled and they are desperately looking for back-up. I mean, how much do you really like this person?

Are you willing to join their public ridicule? How much weight do you have here? Are you even able to make a difference?

Let’s pause and look at what makes being a social scapegoat so terrible. Being on the receiving end of public humiliation via group heckling triggers our deep-rooted fear of being cast out of the tribe; a virtual death sentence in our primitive minds. To be treated in such a sadistic way by a bunch of strangers can bring forth that very same existential dread; which is why it feels so fucking horrible even if there is no physical danger.

Now multiply that angst by how attached you are to this group: family, friends, workmates etc. People you will be running into again and again – fuck! Or the coup de grace: people you loved and trusted; people you depended on. They could be from any of the aforementioned groups, and that creates an excruciating wound.

Brenner: I once asked Moore what’s worse than rape. Now I know. Betrayal.

“The General’s Daughter” (1999)

That fear would play a defining role in your decision of whether or not to answer the call for assistance. Even if you know the harassment is uncalled for, you may remain silent to spare yourself a similar fate. And congratulations if you do! You have earned yourself a new splinter for your psyche. It’s width and depth being defined by how guilty you feel for your silence. Not a problem if you have no conscience of course.

Okay, so you decide you don’t need any more remorse, and you will intervene to, at the very least, prevent a total annihilation. You don’t, or hardly know, the prey of these hyenas; or maybe you do, but you disagree with a lot of their assertions. So, you try and de-escalate by finding the middle ground and seeing both sides? Get prepared for “Are you taking their side?”  – can’t fucken win!

Pays to be pre-emptive here and make your exit as soon as you sense the desperation; bale! bale! An ounce prevention is better than a pound of cure.

Of course, never rule out that you may be the bully and simply cannot resist the temptation to put the boot into someone while they are distracted. “Enemy of my enemy” is just as effective for the Darkside of our psyche. Sure, that “enemy” got one over on you, but that doesn’t automatically make you an innocent victim. What if you were the aggressor who picked the wrong mark? Picking on the wrong person and looking foolish is a far cry from being victimized.

Which brings me to yet another bully sleight of hand: playing the victim. Or, more disturbing, genuinely believing you are. The loss of face that you rightfully deserved is an insult that must be avenged. “You asked for it” only applies to others for the bully. Some people need drama as much as oxygen – fucking pests!

Now we arrive at the awful truth. What’s worse than being THE bully? Being one of those fucken snickering stooges! Who decides which side of the debate is more correct? We are all heroes in our own stories – therefore it’s highly likely that we would be the villain every now and then in someone else’s, whether we know it or not.

That can be a hard pill to swallow, and I have no desire to force it on anyone. I do not have any statistics to back this theory up. It’s merely a sneaking suspicion I have, and would like you to ponder. Are you certain you have never been on the side of the tormentor? An uncomfortable concept, I’m sure; unless you are a psychopath or sociopath that is.

So much more rattling around in my head. I’ll circle back again later.