THE FORKIE PHILOSOPHER

I was so excited to finally get my licence. I was a late starter, and I failed my Ps test 3 times. I was so nervous every time I took the test, and I made silly mistakes which prevented me from passing; but today I finally have it. Last night Sydney had been awarded the 2000 Olympic Games and today I finally passed the fucken test. I missed out on getting pissed last night because of it, but it was worth it.

My mate Jonno was accompanying me for my inaugural drive without someone needing to supervise me. We were sitting in mum’s beat-up Mazda 323 in the driveway at home.

I put it into reverse and began moving out onto the road for my first drive as a ‘proper’ driver. Just as the rear wheels left the curb and hit the road a cyclist appeared behind me and had to swerve to avoid getting cleaned up.

Jonno saw him and screamed out a warning:

“Look out!”

I saw him and knew that this was a close call. Then for some God forsaken reason I panicked and hit the accelerator instead of the brake.

The car zoomed out onto the road practically pursuing the poor cyclist. He had avoided the initial accident but was now facing a new and worse threat. He had to swerve even more severely now and move out into the other lane of traffic. By sheer luck there were no cars coming at the time. If there had been this unfortunate cyclist would have been smashed for sure.

This all happened in a matter of seconds, but it felt like minutes. I was reversing after the cyclist and desperately trying to gain control of my right foot. Jonno seemed to be screaming “stop!!!” on a repeating cycle.

Eventually the cyclist got out of the range of my lethal 323 and I got my foot on the brake where it belonged. We drove on in a stunned silence. I don’t recall Jonno saying anything and I think we did the obligatory drive to Maccas to Christian my first outing. What a shocker of a start! What a fortunate conclusion.